Ken is not what you'd call well endowed.All he's got is a little plastic bump, more of a hump, really, and what the hell are you supposed to do with that?" Besides, I don't think he'd be up for it if you know what I mean. I mean, haven't you ever noticed, he has molded plastic hair. Anyway, he's always there waiting, and I'm like, Ken we're friends, okay, that's it. I heard Jennifer tell her friend that they don't even make any for him. I mean, isn't that strange, Ken doesn't own any underwear. "I come home at night and he's standing there, waiting. I mean if she o.d.'ed and died Jennifer would tell my mom and dad for sure.īarbie laughed and I almost slapped her. I regretted having fixed her a third Coke. "Ish she or ishn' she," Barbie said, in a slow slurred way, like she was so intoxicated that if they made a Breathalizer for Valium, she'd melt it. "What's the deal with him really, you can tell me, I mean, is he or isn't he?" "So, what's the deal with you and Ken?" I asked later after we'd loosened up, after she'd drunk two Diet Cokes, and I'd made another trip to the medicine cabinet. I was falling in love in a way that had nothing to do with love. I figured if we could be calm and collected together, she'd be able to trust me even sooner. I broke another Valium into a million small pieces, dropped some slivers into Barbie's Diet Coke, and swished it around so it'd blend. I figured if I could be calm and collected, she'd realize I wasn't going to hurt her. I went into the house, upstairs into my parents' bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, and got a couple of Valiums. I asked her if she wanted something to drink. It was a stop-and-start thing with both of us constantly saying the wrong thing, saying anything, and then immediately regretting having said it. We sat looking at each other, looking and talking and then not talking and looking again.
Yellow, blue, pink, and a million silver sparkles. An entire galaxy, clouds, stars, a sun, the sea, painted onto her face.
I looked and in a moment noticed she had the whole world, the cosmos, drawn in makeup above and below her eyes. Barbie's eyes were sparkling blue like the oceans on a good day. I'm yours, forever." Instead she said, in a perfectly normal voice, "Wow, big leaf." I half expected her to squeak, "You saved my life. A leaf larger than Barbie fell from the maple tree above us and I caught it just before it would have hit her. It turned out that squeaking was Barbie's birth defect. "I came with a one-piece bathing suit, a brush, and a ruffle you can wear so many ways," Barbie squeaked. I'm Tropical, she said, the same a person might say I'm Catholic or I'm Jewish. "Well, from listening to Jennifer I know there's Day to Night Barbie, Magic Moves Barbie, Gift-Giving Barbie, Tropical Barbie, My First Barbie, and more." "So, what kind of Barbie are you?" I asked. I was suddenly and incredibly aware that I was out with Barbie. I grabbed her by the ankles and carried her off like a Popsicle stick.Īs soon as we were out back, sitting on the porch of what I used to call my fort, but which my sister and parents referred to as the playhouse, I started freaking. It sounds unusual but I was too petrified to take her by the waist. "Would you like to go out for a while? Grab some fresh air, maybe take a spin around the backyard?" I wondered if she knew Jennifer colored in the chipped chewed spots with purple marker, and then sometimes sucked on her fingers so that not only did she have purple flecks of polish on her teeth, but her tongue was the strangest shade of violet.
I wondered if Barbie noticed that Miss Wonderful bit her nails and that when she smiled her front teeth were covered with little flecks of purple nail polish. Especially lately, she makes herself so pretty, and she's started doing her nails." My head was bobbing up and down like a puppet on a weight. "I'm Barbie," she said, and Ken stopped rubbing her leg. He was rubbing her, but she was staring at me. She was sitting next to Ken, his khaki-covered thigh absently rubbing her bare leg. I was looking, and all of the sudden realized she was staring at me. I was looking at her but not really looking.
I'm practicing for the future.Īt first I sat in my sister's room watching Barbie, who lived with Ken, on a doily, on top of the dresser. Three afternoons a week, while my sister is at dance class, I take Barbie away from Ken.